The SWOI players are taking politics as serious, so we present our first in a series called meet the candidate. So here are our questions and answers from John Kerry Democratic nominee.

 

SWOI: Senator Kerry what will be your first act as President?

 

JK; repeal all the tax cuts, people are getting rich off tax cuts the rich, the middle class even poor people, everyone needs to pay. Look its simple we have needs as a community art, shows, and theater. My first act is to restore money to the penis artist, Bush wasted money to family’s by giving them refunds before school when we could take that money pour it into gay communities, thus restoring culture. The current administration idea of culture does not include any art exhibit’s were they smear human waste on religious symbols. They try and promote reading, I mean honestly were will that get you.

 

SWOI; what are your memories of Vietnam?

 

JK; man honestly we would sit in the boat and get stoned I’d play guitar, slam some brews, and double hit some fat ass joints. Let me tell you there is nothing like Vietnam pot, as President I may go back just to get an once of some 

 

SWOI; what are the differences between you and President Bush?

 

JK; I’m taller better looking, smarter, and I once dated David Gilmore’s wife he’s in Pink Floyd you know. Also I have been in Washington 19 years I know the power brokers and they know me, Plus I can ride a Harley, role fat ass joints, and play guitar; if I wasn’t in the senate I’d be in Velvet Revolver, simply because I’m cool and Bush is not!

 

SWOI; describe the typical Midwestern American, and how you can impact their life as president.

 

JK; glad you asked my goal is to take those undereducated people and interject style every city should be like New York, the grate plains are boring but move a bunch of legally married gays their bam, it’s a fun place, lets call it queer eye for the mid west. Honestly out side of the east or west coast people are stupid, I can prove it most of them voted for Bush, they think Reagan was smart; you never hear of a jeopardy contestant from Idaho. Everyone knows this fact down home values is a key word for dumb people ahead. Have you ever tried to talk to them, they think about raising kids, no reasoning with them Al said we should only let New York, California, Washington state, well any east coast state above the mason Dixon line vote the rest should not count lack of any real substance.

 

SWOI; are you saying liberal elitists should run the country?

 

JK; yes of course people are too stupid to think for themselves, left alone they wind up listing to Rush, or going to church on Sundays. We must think for them I will follow the Clintons lead, we will have rules to raising kids parents will either listen or we will take away their children. And Christians should be seen but not heard. Lastly country music will be outlawed, subversive all except the Dixie chicks, but honestly they sound like the bangles anyway.

 

SWOI; President Bush wants to start a drug war against pain pills what’s your though on this?

 

JK; after the war I spent time in Canada with a lot of my college friends you could buy some real cool over the counter stuff there. If you’re in pain take pain pills, I say lets legalize them all help cut down on doctor’s visits.

 

SWOI; what is your answer for the forty million Americans without heath insurance?

 

JK: were working on a lot of different ideas, and their better than the republican’s ideas are for sure. But I would say herbal medicines the Asians live a long time and there is over a billion of them, but rest assured were much smarter than the other guys.

 

SWOI: last question Senator what will you do with Iraq?

 

JK: Sell it to France, Russia, and Germany, honestly there are no cool bands and the chicks all are covered from head to toe its like they are evil meat puppets or something and the men need to know one word soap, thanks for talking gotta go I’m riding my hog past a college latter to show them how cool I’ll be as president.